"I can't believe the show turned out to be bullshit, though," says viewer of latest episode of STAR TREK: BULLSHIT" –– the hero Ciaran McNulty

Captain Pike really threw up his hands and grabbed his temples and said IT'S A DRY HEAT; HOT ENOUGH FOR YA in conversational equivalent. Is this a thing a starship captain would say? I submit to you it is not.

What is Starfleet? It's the friends we made along the way.

In which we still can't find a safe space within the narrative because it's all so not STAR TREK and a little too much Alex Kurtzman for me to ever be able to put on my STAR TREK pajamas, pour a sifter of tranya, and relax. Work it out, Skydance.

Sigh. Write a good character, somebody engaging, happy to be there, no tragic backstory... and then kill them.

Look, I'm going to keep writing this article until they smarten up, which, as I'm sure you're all aware, is when the Secret Hideout contract is up.