So, look. Dork Court has opened up a little wider audience for me so now I have to explain the inside jokes. “I’m not moving to Burbank” is just a running joke from the old days when people used to tell me I should move to Hollywood and write LOST Season Seven or an ASTRONAUTS IN TROUBLE TV show and instead of explaining that’s not how The Force works I would just say I’ma not moving to beautiful downtown Burbank and it became its own thing that roughly means “when you don’t want to do something others want you to do.”
But sometimes you get an idea you’d go talk to somebody about; so try this on for size, Kevin Feige. Give us six episodes of WEST COAST AVENGERS on a Disney+ show but make it NO SUPERHEROES. Luis from ANT-MAN leads the main team of Ned from SPIDER-MAN, Karun from THE ETERNALS, Darcy from THOR, and Woo from WANDAVISION as they solve a mystery they can’t get the heroes to take seriously. Come on, the audience goodwill. Throw in a Rocket and Groot cameo at the end of episode four and sit back and accept the Nobel Prize in Awesome.
“Okay. I was getting groceries with my cousin Ernesto. It was Sunday morning, we wanted some huevos rancheros, we needed eggs. And that Rooster Sauce, we were getting low, Ernesto puts it on everything. So we’re standing at the deli, I want some wings. They put something in it, they won’t tell me, the crunch, the spices… it’s just delightful.” See? Every episode starts with Luis doing his heist riff but it’s narratively the Captain’s log/MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE mission brief, except it’s Luis setting up the episode. Man, I could write this forever.
“These two kids, they come up to me with two sixers and a bottle of Cook’s champagne. Cook’s, can you believe it? But then I see the two girls standing behind them with, you know? They look sheepish. Now, I’m not going to buy for them and meet them outside, right? I sympathize, but I’m LEGIT! I was about to tell them to plan the next day as well as you set up the night before and then Machine Man dropped in through the roof. Right on the hot sauce aisle.
“Anyway, of course, now we have to save the world.
I’m not the easiest guy to get along with when everybody starts jockeying for position and doing political nonsense. Hollywood isn’t for everyone. Telling me we have a meeting at 11 and everybody knows I flew down from San Francisco for it and in the lobby your admin reschedules it for next week because of some power move/ego thing? Yeah, we’re not going to be working together, even though this would be a great and fun way to follow up a loose thread for any Marvel movie or series. Have this assortment of normals, WITHOUT THE RESOURCES, to stop a genuinely serious POWERED threat.
If I posted this on Twitter, Johnny Favs would have retweeted this already. Somebody photoshopped a picture on Rosario Dawson in Ahsoka gear, and look what happened there. Rick Austin is a member of the DGA, and lives in Studio City, Mister Feige, and I’m pretty sure he’d take that meeting.