HomeMoviesWait! Have You Not Seen Ford Fairlane?

Wait! Have You Not Seen Ford Fairlane?

Hi all, Steve, here. I just wanted to recap where we are: I am the guy who wrote the past two reviews of flicks I think you should see. I worked in a video store so I think my opinion means something, so you should hear it. Recapping a few flicks from my top five or top ten. They shift around a lot. Okay, now that I got that out of the way, I gotta  a flick for you to see. 

But first, a backstory on this one. When I was younger, I was a Boy Scout. I don’t recall how old I was… but let’s just say our Boy Scouts were not taken as seriously as other troops in our area. Maybe a camping trip, maybe, but mostly a way to get a bunch of kids in one place and not out causing mischief. Our troop was going to go on a ski trip, big deal. A good portion of the troop had never been so… super cool. I was a newer kid to the group/troop and somehow my dad was cool enough to say he would be a chaperone and take a few kids up. Little did my dad know, but as the new dad of the Boy Scout troop, he was going to take his son, of course, but also be responsible for three of the “bad” kids. My dad is not a sucker and saw what was about to happen. A car ride for 4-5 hours with a few bad apples in the back. So he said to the kids in the back, “We got a long ride ahead of us, Do you have any music you want to play?” They immediately handed him a tape and my dad put it in. We proceeded to drive for the next few hours laughing our asses off to an Andrew Dice Clay comedy tape. Best car ride I can remember in my life and I don’t recall seeing my dad laugh as hard as he did then, before or since.

We pulled up to the ski lodge. My dad popped the tape out and gave it back to one of the kids in the back without another word. The “bad” kids knew my dad was all right and me, his son, was cool as well. Looking back, I never realized what took place, but now I do. Brilliant work, Dad. 

Now that the backstory of my love of the Iceman is out of the way, like the first act of a Phase One Marvel movie, it’s gotta be said that Andrew Dice Clay is a moment in time. Could he have been an act/comedian earlier? I don’t think society was ready for his vulgar presentation. How about later? Well, not much later, and nowadays he would have been banned/cancelled within hours. But for 1990, he was it. And we get a gem of a flick. 

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

Andrew Dice Clay is Ford Fairlane, LA’s foremost rock and roll detective. Essentially, he’s a private investigator to the 1990 LA music scene. He does work for the hot bands, finding their stalkers, or, really, anything else they ask. The problem is his clients pay him in watches, guitars and koalas. I know? Crazy.  But they just don’t pay him in the cash that he needs. His old buddy from back in the day, Johnny Crunch (the late Gilbert Gottfried), asks him to find his long, lost daughter, Zuzu Petals, played by Maddie Corman. Once you see her face you will know her from a ton of stuff. Tragedy hits Johnny Crunch and then the following day Colleen Sutton is at Ford’s door. Sutton is played by Pricilla Presley (her only real film role besides the NAKED GUN flicks) and she is also looking for her long, lost daughter. Long story short, something is not right. Then the crazy starts, but the cast of characters is insane. Lauren Holly, Wayne Newton, Ed O’Neill, David Patrick Kelly (of Clinging Bottles Warrior fame) and Robert Friggin Englund. Not to mention a handful of 1990 music super stars. Just nuts. Even crazier this flick is directed by Renny Harlin. Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger, Long Kiss Goodnight, to name a few. You know Renny Harlin…. So you know the explosions and action scenes are great. 

The cast was going to be really different with Howard Stern, Billy Idol and David Bowie playing roles that went to Gilbert, Vince Neil and Wayne Newton. While watching this flick imagine those instead. Bowie! 

The quotes in this flick are the best. The problem being after all these years less and less can be used in your normal vernacular. But, here. Let me get a few out in the world.

“I’ll let you know when somebody pays me to, like, give a shit.”

“Why am I late? I was up all night eating Swedish meatballs. Ay!”

“Excuse me? You say the F word again, I bang you the fuck out.”

“Hit paydirt with KDRT.”

“It’s all right. If you fall, I’ll make it.”

“Booty time, booty time, across the USA, booty time booty time yay yay yay!”

I have about twenty more but none I want to type. A total fun 90s comedy action flick that I am sure 99% of people pass over because of the main actor. Sure, he is not 2022 sophisticated, but in 1990 he was a Very Big Deal. Get past that and it is a fun flick that I think you will get a few laughs from. Doesn’t appear to be streaming anywhere, but there is a dvd of it. So I recommend you give Jeff a few bucks on amazon and add it to your collection. 

Steve Uchrin
Steve Uchrin
Steve Uchrin is a former comic shop clerk, a former video store clerk, and current married dad of two girls with zero interest in comics or movies. Owner of 10+ terabytes of flicks and the largest McDonald's "cocaine" spoon collection this side of the Mississippi.



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