I’m going to start fining professional critics and regular joes SUCH AS YOURSELF a full half-penalty when I take over administration of all social media (once my Internet Mastery Admissions Test ever takes off) if I ever catch you writing about anything pop culture-related like this: “FILL IN THE BLANK is by no means a perfect movie — the wheels very much come off by the time the third act rolls around — “
I mean, come on. Have some pride in your consumption and contextualization. That is the very definition of “minimum effort.” Saying a modern pop culture adventure flick targeted at nerds has Act Three problems is like saying water’s wet and the sky is blue. I mean, you can do it, but only if in sixth grade Mr. Stempeck tells the class it’s best to avoid clichés in writing but pulls you aside later and tells you to go ahead because you get the when of it all because when you do it, it’s in service of something hilarious. So, yeah. Write well enough so when you use clichés, it’s part of the thing and not because you don’t know any better. Like, “FILL IN THE BLANK is by no means a perfect movie — the wheels very much come off by the time the third act rolls around — ” Man, how these people don’t feel guilty when they see their direct deposit has gone through, I do not know.
Anyway, speaking of consumption and contextualization, after Spunkybean closed up I found I kinda missed it, so Walker and Mimi and Steve and Mark and I had long been talking about doing our own thing because ScreenRant was horrible and CBR started sucking pretty much exactly the instant Jonah sold it, and let’s not even talk about those other two who are sad and criminal, respectively. So we were kinda noodling around and I always said we weren’t ready but then the morons started pooping on SHE-HULK and Mimi said, “What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?” and if you look over to the right on your desktop, there, you’ll still see it’s our most-read article after that time I killed that poor space reporter mosquito over at The Atlantic with a bazooka over her crapping on the Best Movie Ever Made. I hope half of those hits are just her editor reading it again and vowing not to let her pitch stories because she pushes bullshit content when given a chance, and not story.
But that was a year ago, today. Lotta Star Trek and Marvel and adventure shows and Have You Not Seen This? and those times on the beach I start to go off about something and Mimi says, “Is this a Dork Court article, or a podcast rant or a story idea?” going by under the pop culture bridge. Happy Dork Court anniversary to Mimi and Walker, and Steve and Mark, and to John Price for his cranky Trek rants, and everyone who works so hard to bring a smile to the audience’s face.
But not you, Dave Blass.